Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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