I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
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