the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
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We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
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Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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