apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
