probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
