I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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