I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
