Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
