just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
