That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
