someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
