the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
