Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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