I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
