Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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