omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Randomize
