that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
