Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
