Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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