OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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