So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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