i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
