You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
