So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
