Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize