3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Oh god it's open bar.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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