so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
this just has baby written all over it
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
