You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
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