literally had 100 drinks last night.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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