i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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