she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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