shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
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Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
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he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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