i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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