I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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