Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
