I heard we made out
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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