Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
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He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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