the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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