I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
