When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
