So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
