It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
