Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
