It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
