she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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