I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
