I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
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i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
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How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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