can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Less talking, more tequila
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
