When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
