I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
