walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you have to choose: penises or morals?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
