Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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