Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
