not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
