I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
