i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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