Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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