So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
