my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
