Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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