i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
