We need to rekindle our bromance
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
