you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
My brain says no but my pants say off.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
