ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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