I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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