I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
