she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize